its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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