I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
