Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
