well you can't waste a boner
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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