From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
