Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
