I heard we made out
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
