Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
