do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Fuck appropriateness.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
