That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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