apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
