i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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