i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
