i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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