Your mouth is God's brothel.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
