well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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