i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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