Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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