You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
