Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
