I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
