i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
