Nicole vs. Life
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
