Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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