addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
