i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
