Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
