you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I had to cum in my sink.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
