I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
