mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
