I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
