You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
