NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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