Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
