I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
