drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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