I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
