Non-Jews are for practice
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
