Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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