I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
