He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
