Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We just shotgunned beers for America
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
