i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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