Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
