Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
