Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
