He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
