Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
