CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
