I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
