I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
