I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
