Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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