Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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