Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
